we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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