Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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