i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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