its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
