He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
