What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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