I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
