The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
