Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
