Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Boobs are out for the taking
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
