I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
