Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She made me pour olive oil on her.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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