Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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