They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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