I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
