I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
