Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
