Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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