this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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