I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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