it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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