I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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