Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
