I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
