Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
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