Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
