you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
