Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
