i jhust puked up my retainher.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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