new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
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