Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
