You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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