You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
