You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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