If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
