"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
