I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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