after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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