and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
