I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
this boner is exhausting
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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