That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
