I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
