do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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