my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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