he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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