I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
