Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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