I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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