I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
