so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
two words...techno handjob
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
