You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
