also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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