If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
