i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
