does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize