Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
