i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
