either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
