And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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