You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
