My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
