Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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