i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
