You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
