i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
