Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
