don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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