I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
