Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
