I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
