shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
