I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize