You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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