You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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