sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
