I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
