my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
