when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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