Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
